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  • How old am I:
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  • Taurus
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  • Swimming
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  • None


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He's cute, he has a great job, and he's single. So what if he's still living with his mother? Nobody ever said dating in Norwalk was going to be easy.

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A few nights after Christmas, around P. Sylvia looks a lot like Sandra Bullock, only with a Sophia Loren voluptuousness. She's wearing a low-cut black V-neck that draws all eyes to an impressive cliff of a chest. Where she's sitting is cozy, and even better, it's not too far from the bathroom. There's a long line for that, but it's not access Sylvia wants; it's a showcase. Every man checks her out as he goes by. And what's particularly appealing about this line, for Sylvia, who comes from Yonkers and is recently divorced, is that it's longer than the line for women.

This club is swarming with men, who out women two to one. And that's because this bar is not a martini lounge in TriBeCa but a martini lounge in South Norwalk, known as SoNo to the Connecticut and Westchester singles who flock there for its nightlife. Dating in the suburbs -- it's like a variation on some cocktail you've had a million times: The ingredients are familiar, but the proportions are skewed and the whole thing just tastes different.

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I've been thinking a lot about the suburbs ever since September, when my married friends started fantasizing about the house in Cold Spring or a place on the North Fork. All well and good for them -- but what about single New Yorkers? What would dating be like if we actually picked up and moved someplace simpler, cleaner, more marriage-friendly? South Norwalk has one of the densest concentrations of swank bars and clubs beyond the boroughs, places with names like The Loft, Liquid, Amberjacks and Ego.

Sylvia, a year-old physical therapist, is intently scoping out a good-looking, square-shouldered guy in a white button-down, but she thinks maybe he's with someone: He's talking to a bunch of blonde girls in the corner. Tony, it turns out, is single, and a cop from Stamford; the girls he's talking to come from Westport and are just figuring out that he doesn't have the bucks, though he's hot.

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The fact that Westport country-clubbers are there with Stamford cops suggests one key difference between the suburbs and the city: In the suburbs, there aren't enough bars to accommodate different socioeconomic niches; there's no Limelight-versus-Lot 61 divide. As a result, the nightlife scene is more of a melting pot. Just before the bar closes, Tony the Cop and Sylvia figure out their mutual interest.

No more than ten minutes go by before they're hand in hand, cruising intently for the door. I still don't understand dating in the suburbs: To start, what does she do with her car? S ome people move to the suburbs for the schools, some for the space.

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Scott, a single year-old psychologist, moved here for his car. But I couldn't really afford to have the car and live in the city.

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Scott's handsome, but not a pretty boy, and buff, almost too much so. So far, his social life is working out all right for him. The first thing you're going to notice, he explains, is that the girls aren't as hot as in New York.

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Also, "there's the girl-with-the-crappy-job" stereotype: "Why is she always the assistant teacher at a preschool? Why isn't she the teacher? How skilled do you have to be to be the teacher at a preschool? Singles file: Saturday-night revels at Amberjacks in South Norwalk. By eleven, the bar adjacent to the restaurant has filled up, and I strike up a conversation with Chris, a tall, thin year-old with a bit of stubble on his chin that matches the crew cut he has on top. Chris lives with his roommate in Pelham; they're both bankers but still couldn't afford to live the way they'd want to in Manhattan.

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She can't afford to go out in the city on the weekend. Chris's Pelham roommate, Matthew, strikes me as the biggest catch in the bar. He's good-looking, and he lives in the suburbs, he says, because he's a triathlete and needs access to open ro -- all very appealing. But Matthew already has a serious girlfriend, a tall, scowling blonde who hovers nearby.

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It turns out she's actually a city girl, up for the weekend. It figures.

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It's not surprising that men are all over her even before they know her name: She's tan, thin, blonde, a physical trainer in a black sleeveless top. They call me up at two in the morning and ask if I'm in the city, if I'll come sleep over. It's pretty obvious. But the downsides of suburban dating can't be discounted, either. Consider, for example, the dampening effect that the logistics of a car can impose on a one-night stand.

You're nuzzling at the bar, you've had a few drinks, and you decide it's finally time to leave -- and then instead of snuggling into a warm taxi, there's an awkward few minutes when you get directions okay, it's not a sharp left; you just bear leftor decide to follow the guy home in your car.

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She's sitting at a table at the River Cat Grill, an area hangout, polishing off a Macallan. A social worker, she's both outgoing and exceptionally pretty, and gets asked out all the time: at the gym, at local bars, at Rye beach -- she's even met people through a Christian singles group.

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But for some reason, it never works out. Baggage: It means something different in the suburbs.

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In the city, if a woman in her late twenties or thirties says "He's got baggage," it could mean any of things: He's still in love with that heroin-addicted model, he's struggling to salvage his ambition from crushing trust-fund-induced ennui, that problem with his meds still hasn't been resolved. In the suburbs, if a woman in her late twenties tells you her latest guy's got baggage, it means one thing, more often than not: He's divorced with.

It's usually on the third. I finally ask, 'So what kind of a place do you live in?

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But I did always feel like I had to get him back reasonably early. I didn't want him to get into trouble with his mother.

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The tap instructor, who's in his early forties, has never had a serious relationship, and lives at home with his mother. Besides, he was really into musical theater, and I'd rather be with someone who didn't have such an unstable career. S cott and Meg are friends through work, and they decide one night to head out to South Norwalk to check out a dance club they've heard about called Ego.

It's true of the brick walls. And it's true of the crowd bouncers excepted. Straining to overhear conversations, you mostly hear people saying one thing: "It's cool -- it's all white! The clusters of women writhing around in twos and threes and fours lesbian chic is apparently still chic in South Norwalk are all singing along, pointing their fingers in the air in rhythm with the words "I love rock Ladies want sex North Fork roll. Finally, Meg approaches the D. She dances with Scott for a little while until they both get fed up: Meg gets hip-checked off her feet and onto the couches; Scott complains some guy was bumping up against his butt "He's clearly more secure in his sexuality than I am".

The evening's pretty much a bust, although Meg met one prospect a few hours back. He'd grabbed her as she walked by and said, "Are you single? He was too forward, she said, but not bad-looking in a turtleneck sweater, of course31, and outdoorsy, one of the reliable characteristics of the suburban guy. He wanted to take her ice skating.

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He was funny, a mechanical engineer. There was only one problem, which she gleaned about ten minutes into the conversation: His problem housemate. Meg sighs, then confesses. She gave him her anyway. Sex and the Suburbs. Open bar: At bars like Liquid, above, there's less crowd segmentation than in the city.

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North Fork Correctional Center was completed in and originally operated as a private prison run by then-Corrections Corporation of America now CoreCivic housing 1, inmates.


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