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Having a girl as your best friend is a fantastic thing to happen to any guy.
In the beginning, it's exciting. You can't wait to see your BF or GF — and it feels amazing to know that he or she feels the same way. The happiness and excitement of a new relationship can overpower everything else. Nothing stays new forever, though. Things change as couples get to know each other better. Some people settle into a comfortable, close relationship.
Other couples drift apart. There are lots of different reasons why people break up. Growing apart is one. You might find that your interests, ideas, values, and feelings aren't as well matched as you thought they were. Changing your mind or your feelings about the other person is another. Perhaps you just don't enjoy being together. Maybe you argue or don't want the same thing. You might have developed feelings for someone else.
Or maybe you've discovered you're just not interested in having a serious relationship right now. Most people go through a break-up or several break-ups in their lives. If you've ever been through it, you know it can be painful — even if it seems like it's for the best. If you're thinking of breaking up with someone, you may have mixed feelings about it. After all, you got together for a reason. So it's normal to wonder: "Will things get better? You may need to take time to think about it.
Even if you feel sure of your decision, breaking up means having an awkward or difficult conversation. The person you're breaking up with might feel hurt, disappointed, sad, rejected, or heartbroken. When you're the one ending the relationship, you probably want to do it in a way that is respectful and sensitive.
You don't want the other person to be hurt — and you don't want to be upset either. Some people avoid the unpleasant task of starting a difficult conversation.
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Others have a "just-get-it-over-with" attitude. But neither of these approaches is the best one. Avoiding just prolongs the situation and may end up hurting the other person more. And if you rush into a difficult conversation without thinking it through, you may say things you regret. Something in the middle works best: Think things through so you're clear with yourself on why you want to break up. Then act. Every situation is different. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to breaking up.
But there are some general "do's and don'ts" you can keep in mind as you start thinking about having that break-up conversation. These "dos and don'ts" aren't just for break-ups. If someone asks you out but you're not really interested, you can follow the same guidelines for letting that person down gently. You've made the decision to break up.
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Now you need to find a good time to talk — and a way to have the conversation that's respectful, fair, clear, and kind. Break-ups are more than just planning what to say. You also want to consider how you will say it. Here are some examples of what you might say. Use these ideas and modify them to fit your situation and style:.
Whether they last a long time or a short time, relationships can have special meaning and value. Each relationship can teach us something about ourselves, another person, and what we want and need in a future partner. It's a chance for us to learn to care about another person and to experience being cared about. A break-up is an opportunity to learn, too. It's not easy. But it's a chance to do your best to respect another person's feelings. Ending a relationship — as hard as it is — builds our skills when it comes to being honest and kind during difficult conversations.
Note: All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice, diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor. Search KidsHealth library.
What's in this article? Avoid It? Or Get it Over With? When Relationships End In the beginning, it's exciting. The happiness and excitement of a new relationship can overpower everything else Nothing stays new forever, though. Break-up Do's and Don'ts Every situation is different. DO: Think over what you want and why you want it.
Take time to consider your feelings and the reasons for your decision. Be true to yourself. Even if the other person might be hurt by your decision, it's OK to do what's right for you. You just need to do it in a sensitive way.
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Think about what you'll say and how the other person might react. Will your BF or GF be surprised? Or even relieved? Thinking about the other person's point of view and feelings can help you be sensitive. It also helps you prepare. Do you think the person you're breaking up with might cry? Lose his or her temper? How will you deal with that kind of reaction? Have good intentions.
Let the other person know he or she matters to you. Think about the qualities you want to show toward the other person — like honesty, kindness, sensitivity, respect, and caring. Be honest — but not brutal.
Tell the other person the things that attracted you in the first place, and what you like about him or her. Then say why you want to move on. Think of ways to be kind and gentle while still being honest.
Say it in person. You've shared a lot with each other. Respect that and show your good qualities by breaking up in person. If you live far away, try to video chat or at least make a phone call.
Breaking up through texting or Facebook may seem easy. But think about how you'd feel if your BF or GF did that to you — and what your friends would say about that person's character! If it helps, confide in someone you trust. It can help to talk through your feelings with a trusted friend. But be sure the person you confide in can keep it private until you have your actual break-up conversation with your BF or GF.
That's one reason why parents, older sisters Serious lady friend brothers, and other adults can be great to talk to. They're not going to blab or let it slip out accidentally. DON'T: Don't avoid the other person or the conversation you need to have. Dragging things out makes it harder in the long run — for you and your BF or GF. Plus, when people put things off, information can leak out anyway.
You never want the person you're breaking up with to hear it from someone else before hearing it from you. Don't rush into a difficult conversation without thinking it through. You may say things you regret. Don't disrespect. Speak about your ex or soon-to-be ex with respect. Be careful not to gossip or badmouth him or her.